One Year Later

You left for your new life in the blink of an eye, your race finished much too soon. Speeding down the road for a late night adventure not realizing heaven was just around the corner. The adrenaline pumping through you was I guess far more important than wearing that seat belt, It’s still so unbelievable that with one click, a split-second decision would be entirely different. Your life and our life together would be so much more than these few lines of tribute.

It was surreal to return home to your grave and not your open arms. How I kept repeating in my head This is all wrong we’re supposed to be together but not like this. How I happily shared stories of you with those most dear to me. How this ring on my finger was to mean a host of wonderful things yet to come. How it still does just not like how we’d imagined.

I have shared with countless others the importance of wearing a seat belt because of you. How senseless your death truly is to me and those closest to you. I have met some wonderful people because of you my light. I’d give anything to have you here with us. I take comfort in the knowledge that you have met my dad in that far off place.

So tonight, I give thanks for your brief but full life you lived and loved. Well not just tonight but for the rest of my life. Until we’re reunited in that perfect place.

I love you from here to the sand dunes of eternity.

“Life is only temporary, so sometimes we just need to be here for the ones we love. -M. J. H.

Copyright © 2021 SJ Falling Rock
All Rights Reserved

forever awaits just beyond

Family and Friends all encourage me or what they think is encouraging. It’s still feels like pouring salt into a still open wound. I’m not in denial but i know they’ll never be another you. Our forever looks different from all our other friends. All that matters is that WE know our love is and will always be enough. Your warm smile in fleeting dreams. Sometimes I swear I feel you around me.

So for now honey I allow those encouraging words and suggestions. No need to explain. Someday soon this pain will end and we’ll finally have our happily ever after. Driving around listening to some of our favorite music. I hope you saw the tree I had dedicated to you. This is my way of ensuring your mark never fades. My cowboy angel I love you and I hope see you soon.

Poetic resurrection

Years spent mired in guilt the main question being why didn’t I reach out? You wore that mask and armor a little too well. Mastered answering with yes I’m fine and nothing’s wrong. No, no I’m not going to I was just talking out loud from the second story window. It’s a beautiful spring day out and you and the twins are rehearsing yet another cinematic backyard skit. Laughter echoes throughout the house. In another memory you are admiring another one of your brothers muddy Rivers and in a split second you three boys are having a snowball fight thanks to a freak Texas snow storm in 2011. Another memory crashes in in this one the three of you are drying up battle plans for yet another Nerf gun war. Christian I would give anything to be able to see you with your brothers today. They’re the age you were when you left this earthly plane. Both of them are tall strong young men enjoying college theater chaos. Carrying on your legacy with pride. It’s a blessing to witness. In each of the boys we see glimpses of you and give thanks for what was, what is and what is yet to be.

Truth and faith

The afternoon of your last breath I broke down screaming but no one knew. I contemplated but instead I cried in the shower for an hour. My Mother words ringing in my ears “I love you my girl.” What a cruel trick or rather a truth and test of my faith. Lakeland still reminds me years later. God loves you and if you need to yell at him go ahead he can take it. Please don’t listen to that voice that says others would be better if you were six feet under. Somewhere in my dreams I hear dad say “I know you miss me but you’ve got to stay and help your mom and siblings. Okay dad okay okay dad please forgive me.
I’m fighting to get better finally diagnosed with….and a few pills along with talking helped me take away my demons power. Still not sure of the dark but day after day I’m getting there.

Copyright © 2022 SJ Falling Rock
All Rights Reserved

Nightmares Dreams & Peace

You came rushing into this dark world of impossible possibilities. Death so welcoming nearly there i swear . Then there you were. Blue-eyed blonde my old false best friend. Pleading with me to return your old poetry work to you. I’ve held it hostage out of anger and pettiness. 14 years the pages are tattered coffee stained but still yours.

So Please

Take the back your Poetry long lost repressed memories. A toxic fairy tale. Some would call us…you a regret but now I just call this A NEVER EVER AGAIN.

Never again will I embrace you and have our hearts dance to the same cadence. This dream world where we will for once and for all tie up this fucked up friendship. Toss it into the sea. Let go of me, take back your poetry, let me get back to sleeping in peace.

Please I was just worried about you. Why does it seem like this is really the end?

Cause it is roll the credits

Hey Christian Hey Micah

let’s go hang out at the first Poetry slam of the Summer

I need to write a poem of thanksgiving a prayer of forgiveness for myself
Now maybe Britt’s mark on my existence will scab over once and for all.
Only good dreams from now on please.

Copyright © 2022 SJ Falling Rock
All Rights Reserved

Magic’s Gone

Those sapphire eyes, sun-kissed shoulder length hair, Giorgio Armani Perfume have all disappeared with the evening tide. You said that you can’t trust yourself around me. Those walls of yours crumbled when I told you that I wanted you there in case I didn’t make it out…
‘No, don’t go there, don’t you dare’
Shared stories about how we grew up much the same an ocean a part.
Aim High See the world
Southern roots but your hospitality is finished with me.
Over stayed my welcome .
in the real world we’re strangers no one can ever know.
oops guess I forgot to read the fine print at the bottom.
screw it, I’d get to know you all over again.
galaxies expanding, imploding, that magnetic pull.
regrets? no none for me.
see cause I love you, yes in that way.
I know we could never even so.
you’ll always be a part of this poet’s story.
muse, memory, lesson learned, thanks for everything.
no matter what you tell yourself this isn’t all my fault.
So have it your way.
wait what are you doing?
you’re still so beautiful please hug me a moment more.