One Year Later

You left for your new life in the blink of an eye, your race finished much too soon. Speeding down the road for a late night adventure not realizing heaven was just around the corner. The adrenaline pumping through you was I guess far more important than wearing that seat belt, It’s still so unbelievable that with one click, a split-second decision would be entirely different. Your life and our life together would be so much more than these few lines of tribute.

It was surreal to return home to your grave and not your open arms. How I kept repeating in my head This is all wrong we’re supposed to be together but not like this. How I happily shared stories of you with those most dear to me. How this ring on my finger was to mean a host of wonderful things yet to come. How it still does just not like how we’d imagined.

I have shared with countless others the importance of wearing a seat belt because of you. How senseless your death truly is to me and those closest to you. I have met some wonderful people because of you my light. I’d give anything to have you here with us. I take comfort in the knowledge that you have met my dad in that far off place.

So tonight, I give thanks for your brief but full life you lived and loved. Well not just tonight but for the rest of my life. Until we’re reunited in that perfect place.

I love you from here to the sand dunes of eternity.

• 

“Life is only temporary, so sometimes we just need to be here for the ones we love. -M. J. H.

Copyright © 2021 SJ Falling Rock
All Rights Reserved

Pyro

Pyro

When lightning scolded June

For being so

god

damned

dry. I heard

The farmers finally slept

like rocks.

[But I]

I talked back,

Little halfwit brat.

Tossed rockets

Sizzling like a schoolyard tease

Puffs smearing like suburban chalk

And crumbling junebugs

under heavy shower.

That backwash brag joined fleets

Of croaking toads

And the echoes rinsing oaks

of homeless crows

leaving advice:

[frill your nose]

huff these three brothers

and a lighter

Vietnam crouching in one half acre

chewing their wild onion

wet socks and foxholes.

One cocked coke bottle

trapped fumes like milk,

And [shit],

We were parched

We were waiting

We were

suddenly 500 firecrackers

tapping neighbors awake

kicking communists out of bed-

I had blisters,

[Fuck!]

Blisters I fed,

Blisters worth every dime store jolt

worth every change jar star

reminiscing

while the clouds

babysat for Summer.

I can’t tell you

what drew me to salesmen,

To one particularly honest

Wool beard of a bootlegger

And a Nolanville Firework hut

Where the view was choked

by dusty cedars

And knitted with the conversation of an RV engine,

But I prodded cupboards to ask,

[Moved the deep-fat fryer]

Interviewed my shrinking stockpile

Saying the same old shit

Through wrappers and expired sparklers:

I started resupplying

on spokes,

twelve years old-

I may have grown

nine for the price of one,

Because twelve turned to twenty

And eight years later

I’m too deep in city limits

tucked outside of seasonal sales

To stop and smell the sulfur.

I left our [lawless]

ant covered Los Alamos

To speak,

strike-anywhere-tongue-

Flirting with you like air does

with fuses

retreating

retreating,

because it costs two hands

to be a careless arsonist.

I tried quitting the sun cold-turkey,

shot you once [hypodermic]

Into damp overcast,

clung to your ghost smoke

Until you were cardboard on a stranger’s lawn

Stayed up till 5:00 am

And squeezed each couch for quarters

Drop by drop

Until the last day they could sell-

[Damn]

The taste of ‘Last Day’:

last days of sewage drains getting wasted on the water cycle

last days of bottlecap races

and hearing your name.

I propped you skyward

[scientist]

Observed your strontium sadness

eat itself 300 feet up-

It never made sense

to the dogs or cats-

Sent them scattering just like

black powder

over my backyard,

[But I ]

I unflinching and deaf

I stared wolf-eyed

Until the final crack-

Saw myself on Iwo Jima

Doing split second sinister

Doing madness

Making lovely war.

Admitting from beneath

I could never admire nature

Until I heard it shatter.


All Rights Reserved Christian Taylor 2014

Love You Anyway

It’s 1:45 in the morning the rains Pitter patter wakes me from our world. Clock cadence rewind to our favorite yesterday. Those deep sea blues, stardust embraces, the creation of everything. Did you always know that in my own way since that first day I knew no matter what I’d love you anyway?

Your fearlessness and that zest for life it was infectious. Your charm took hold before I knew anything was going on. Thinking back on all that happened you must’ve known but didn’t say. Instead we just lived for the moment wishing time would stand still for awhile more.

Then came last fall and the realization that we’d been putting off for years. Pacing back and fourth reading that letter. Yes I know where you are and now I know that you’ve always known that I’ll love you anyway.

Copyright © 2020 SJ Falling Rock
All Rights Reserved

Begin Again…

There’s less than a thousand square feet in this place called “A new beginning” Large picture windows oh and there’s a workshop in the backyard. Screw it me and the guys will probably tear it down to use for autumn evening bonfires. Anything to relieve this grief, guilt, and the anger of what if. Paper plane letters for yet another life cut too short. The man upstairs knows I’m pretty upset about being robbed of our happily ever after. All that yellin’ I did a friend of mine said she wouldn’t be surprised if I cracked the glass ceiling of heaven that day of days. Its true life is about loss and the occasional joy but damn I’m tired of burying those I’ve loved. 365 days filled with yet more platitudes so sick of hearing that overplayed track.

So instead I got on the toll road went 80 the whole way to the airport. Spent a few hours waiting around in Denver. A few scraps of poetry a greasy cheeseburger and a red bull because why not. Noise-canceling headphones filled with music to drown out the generic chatter of the people around me. Hickory Dickory dock come on man I just want to get back home. We’re sorry but it’ll be a while longer scheduled plane maintenance thank you for your continued patience.

Quicksand has taken time hostage it seems well better catch the NBA game on the big screen at the bar and grill. Wheeles up in 20 waiting impatiently at the gate. Ames text reminding me to relax she knows me sometimes too well I swear. Homesickness is relentless today. I’ll never tire of these window seat views. This space between worlds. nodded off but opened my eyes just in time to recognize the Powwow grounds below. Grief and joy are one at this moment, so I send up a prayer of thanks but you knew I’d feel this way didn’t ya?

Some Semblance of Peace

3 a.m. comes crashing a wave of grief and longing for you. How in the world have I survived this long? Loss and the aftermath exhausts you like nothing else. Each heartbeat and breath a monumental effort done countless times since that fateful day.

If I could live on an airplane life would be so much easier to bare but alas I can’t. I make due the best I can but sleep will probably always elude me, well restful sleep that is. We never said good night or goodbye that night and I’m so grateful we didn’t.

Out of nowhere a message from my southern belle
I’m coming over you need to rest, I’ll stay with you until sunrise.

Some semblance of Peace in this sea of Mourning.

Copyright © 2021 SJ Falling Rock
All Rights Reserved

Gone

The house resembles once again what it looked like when you were alive. Familiar smells of scented candles as well. Everything….everything but you Dad. Your room no longer filled with the heaviness of grief. Then again it’s not yours anymore. My luggage over in the corner while I sit on the bed waiting for you to say “Welcome home my baby”

While driving through town one afternoon, I catch my self searching for you along with Mom Toni. Knowing full well that truth that for once is more beautiful that bitter. Daddy thanks for seeing me safely home.

If I’m honest though I felt closer to you while in that Window seat. Do you think that maybe soon you’ll be able to come after me.

No, you’re right there’s still a lot of work for me to do here.

Christian

Stitching you into poems to bring you back even for just a moment.
Songs capture the longing of what was and what will never be.
Miss you like crazy it’s all hit me all over again like a fly ball.
Guess it’s time for a little one on one be out there soon.

reach… — A Writer’s Soul

I reach for you,But you aren’t the way I remember,I’m desperate to change you, to make you the way you are in my mind,If only because that brings me comfort, in the familiarity,And I can’t be bothered to change that,To leave the safety of the known and sane,Or maybe it’s the insane that I’ve grown […]

reach… — A Writer’s Soul

TLC… — johncoyote

Tender loving care A Poem by Coyote PoetryReal love is given without the desire of reward.                                      Tender loving care.. She had big blue eyes. She sat on my lap at the college party in Marquette, Michigan. She told me. “Johnnie, you need tender loving care. You are drunk most of the time. Not sleeping and […]

TLC… — johncoyote

Tinkerbell The Rez Fairy

Meet at the coffee shop around one I’ll have a free hour before I have to head back to work. Still haven’t gotten used to the blonde hair. “Saw some grey so it’s time for a change” Jokingly I call her Tinkerbell, The fairy who saved me from the mire of my thoughts, who said heaven can wait another day or two. Three years later I’ve finally accepted the here and now but, what I wouldn’t give to be back there just for an afternoon.

Well it’s like that one country song says “What’s a couple thousand miles and a few more days?”
When you get back home to your folks farm send up a prayer for me would ya? I’m taking a job in Boston there’s no telling when I’ll see those wide open plains again.

She smiles knowing full well I can’t stay away for long. I’ve got to teach my nephews some life lessons down at the river. If I’m lucky maybe I’ll talk the boy’s mother’s into letting me take them to their first Red Sox Game. Time speeds up when you’re in the middle of a long goodbye.

Here keep my favorite book and that shot glass of the Northern lights.
The only way friends like us know how to say…………
What’s goodbye anyway?

Heading “HOME”

These four walls and picture windows with nothing but land for miles around. The neighbors down the road smiled while sharing their memories of dad. A cup of coffee with light-heated conversations always willing to work on that old clunker of a car. I still chuckle while looking at those old tires he put down to cover up those gopher holes in the side yard.

Three years since I last heard his voice or had of one those big fatherly hugs. Three years since the life I knew disappeared behind his closed eyes while listening me to say Don’t worry dad we’ll be okay. Micah hope you and my dad get on well together. You crazy guy, I always wanted dad to approve of the man his little married. Never thought you fly through that windshield and slide into home plate on the other side.

Tall brown-eyed mechanic adrenaline junkie hello sir, I’d like to give your daughter my last-name. Meanwhile back home wiping tears of joy and pain away while holding one of my new nephews. Hey little man your papa sonny sure thinks the world of you. Dad I’m looking forward to taking Kailon to river where you taught us to fish.

Someday many years from now I won’t breakdown at the thought of you not being on the other side of the door. For now dad you’re little girl still struggling to be okay with our sudden goodbyes. Micah I love you but damn it you promised you wear your seat belt. I love you guys thanks for seeing me home. In all honesty though home just isn’t the same anymore and that’s tearin’ me up inside.

“The night stepped out” #poem #poetry #verse — johncoyote

Originally posted on Visionary Poems: The night stepped out Like a prima ballerina From the monumental shadows That reached the very heavens Concealed awhile Behind the great mountains of granite grey That separated the tranquil realm From the world outside  And now ’twas the hour of nighttide When the darkness covered the benign pastoral scene With a canopy of star studded indigo fashioned And…

“The night stepped out” #poem #poetry #verse — johncoyote