When lightning scolded June

For being so



dry. I heard

The farmers finally slept

like rocks.

[But I]

I talked back,

Little halfwit brat.

Tossed rockets

Sizzling like a schoolyard tease

Puffs smearing like suburban chalk

And crumbling junebugs

under heavy shower.

That backwash brag joined fleets

Of croaking toads

And the echoes rinsing oaks

of homeless crows

leaving advice:

[frill your nose]

huff these three brothers

and a lighter

Vietnam crouching in one half acre

chewing their wild onion

wet socks and foxholes.

One cocked coke bottle

trapped fumes like milk,

And [shit],

We were parched

We were waiting

We were

suddenly 500 firecrackers

tapping neighbors awake

kicking communists out of bed-

I had blisters,


Blisters I fed,

Blisters worth every dime store jolt

worth every change jar star


while the clouds

babysat for Summer.

I can’t tell you

what drew me to salesmen,

To one particularly honest

Wool beard of a bootlegger

And a Nolanville Firework hut

Where the view was choked

by dusty cedars

And knitted with the conversation of an RV engine,

But I prodded cupboards to ask,

[Moved the deep-fat fryer]

Interviewed my shrinking stockpile

Saying the same old shit

Through wrappers and expired sparklers:

I started resupplying

on spokes,

twelve years old-

I may have grown

nine for the price of one,

Because twelve turned to twenty

And eight years later

I’m too deep in city limits

tucked outside of seasonal sales

To stop and smell the sulfur.

I left our [lawless]

ant covered Los Alamos

To speak,


Flirting with you like air does

with fuses



because it costs two hands

to be a careless arsonist.

I tried quitting the sun cold-turkey,

shot you once [hypodermic]

Into damp overcast,

clung to your ghost smoke

Until you were cardboard on a stranger’s lawn

Stayed up till 5:00 am

And squeezed each couch for quarters

Drop by drop

Until the last day they could sell-


The taste of ‘Last Day’:

last days of sewage drains getting wasted on the water cycle

last days of bottlecap races

and hearing your name.

I propped you skyward


Observed your strontium sadness

eat itself 300 feet up-

It never made sense

to the dogs or cats-

Sent them scattering just like

black powder

over my backyard,

[But I ]

I unflinching and deaf

I stared wolf-eyed

Until the final crack-

Saw myself on Iwo Jima

Doing split second sinister

Doing madness

Making lovely war.

Admitting from beneath

I could never admire nature

Until I heard it shatter.

All Rights Reserved Christian Taylor 2014

Love You Anyway

It’s 1:45 in the morning the rains Pitter patter wakes me from our world. Clock cadence rewind to our favorite yesterday. Those deep sea blues, stardust embraces, the creation of everything. Did you always know that in my own way since that first day I knew no matter what I’d love you anyway?

Your fearlessness and that zest for life it was infectious. Your charm took hold before I knew anything was going on. Thinking back on all that happened you must’ve known but didn’t say. Instead we just lived for the moment wishing time would stand still for awhile more.

Then came last fall and the realization that we’d been putting off for years. Pacing back and fourth reading that letter. Yes I know where you are and now I know that you’ve always known that I’ll love you anyway.

Copyright © 2020 SJ Falling Rock
All Rights Reserved

Leo Gracious

7 weeks early with a heart of 3 chambers instead of 4,
a unique drum beat for our dear Lakota Boy.
Beloved Son, Brother, Nephew, fight on!
if you’d rather go into eternity hug your Papa for me.
Dad he’s got your nose and my fighting spirit,
30 years ago you whispered live my girl.
Alarms, IV’s followed by a baptism just in case,
Leo’s mother prays for just a little more time.
Through tears she begs me to help her somehow,
Sister there are no easy answers just love him.
She puts the phone next to him while we pray,
Leo Gracious you are loved beyond comprehension.
Creator thank you for everything and what may yet be.
My little sister Leo will always be your boy no matter what.



Grief has left me gasping for air once again. Your best friend and I shared our memories of you. The many adventures you had in the Glamis Sand dunes. How you gave to those in need because “It’s only Money” Carefully nurturing all your friendships and sharing your faith unashamedly. Indeed you’re a man that I believe my father always prayed I’d find. Please tell him and Mom Toni hello from me. It brings me great comfort to think of you all getting together over coffee in that other world. Some nights I swear I hear you say my name or see you in the doorway of my home office. That cheeky smile along with that stubble you refused to part with. Tears and Time a double edged sword that’s what grief is in my book. If only I could pull you from those photos on my wall. Maybe the night’s wouldn’t be so painfully lonely. Your favorite Glamis hoodie has lost your scent. It was like you died a scond time. Honey I’m doing my best but, this is SO hard.

I love you, I love you, I love you, Goodnight.

A Brief Encounter

It’s incredible to think what we discovered on the other other side of “So what do you think..?” So many conversations both humorous and serious. A life time of love in nearly 7 months. memories that take me back to the time I met the love of my life. Oh how cliche you’ve made me sound.

Night comes and I hold onto your pillow praying that come morning I’ll wake in eternity. Dad will take me find you. In your dream garage working on an off-road vehicle headed for Glamis. A long embrace that will melt the decades into mere seconds.

My love, My light See you tomorrow sometime.
I’m going to try my hand at enjoying this new life, I love you.

Let it Hurt

New conversations
New world
New unknowns
Exciting to most
For me I feel lost

You’re Gorgeous
I’d like to know you better
Friends and then who knows
Nope, I’m not interested

Thanks for the compliment
I’m not on the same page as you
Sorry to hear you lost your wife
Single parents are a hero’s too
Look maybe some other time

Father time screw you
Give me just one more
Moment frozen in time
Micah I’m coming home
Don’t forget your seat-belt

Let me know when you’re home
still wake hoping for that text
This hurts but it’s changing slowly
I’m thinking of changing the bedsheets
One step at time I guess walk beside me

Those Eyes

You watch as I pace around the room in agony consumed by grief>
Night time you are a harsh mistress
Vivid dreams are a gift and curse
I’m a mother to his children and show my Grandma my Engagement ring
“Would you look at that our Baby’s had a baby.”
Micah this is backwards
Living heroically for you but I’d rather be in your arms.
Those brown eyes I’d give anything to wake to them.

Even with A Heavy Heart…

I’m Thankful for the 5 and half months we shared and the life we’re creating. This pain changes constantly but with it being Thanksgiving there is a deep longing for you my light. I know it’s not right to question God but sometimes I really wish I knew why. You’ve been gone almost as long as we had on this earth. What a stark contrast between joy and sorrow. You continue to let me know you’re around. Whether it’s a song or a vivid dream or catching your scent out of nowhere.

My light, My Love, My Guardian Angel. I can’t wait for the day I see you again. Til then I hope you, My Dad and Christian get to know each other. The silence is deafening sometime but that’s when our shared faith helps so much. What I wouldn’t give to share today with you and our families. I wouldn’t trade our time for anything in in the world. Oh how I miss what was and what will never be this side of eternity.

I love you goofball,