To Be In Two Places At Once

Lakeland welcomes me into her office everything rearranged yet still the same. A new floor lamp, a fresh coat of sky blue paint and geometric pattern rug. So tell me how you’ve coped with life these last few weeks. Come on let me through the gates to your tormented yet healing soul.

There’s exhausted and then there’s me. Beyond exhausted yet pushing on to the coming dawn. Dad and Toni came to me in a time of prayerful reflection “We’re going to leave you now.” “Let us go so that we may return to you.” Tears fell as I surrendered to this reality finally.

Now I see that in time I will have to keep allowing myself to let them go. 2 years in the making and finally a palpable reality. Memories return a long with a long lost genuine smile and laugh.

Lakeland shares in my relief but begs me not to give into the calling of eternity. Don’t leave this table until you are called home please. You still have a purpose to fulfill here. So for the next hour or so I write letters to both of them and write on the bottom of my obituary TO BE CONTINUED

Life has called out to me and I’ve elected to live so that they might be proud. Lakeland and I walk to the church across the street where she watches as I light a candle for both of them. This grief has strengthened me as well as given me a hardness that never existed before.

Finally I see how my poetry and short stories continue to give me a direction in this new life. One stanza until the very end of the coffee stained page. Lakeland allows me to get lost in my world knowing that I’m relearning to join the land of the living so to speak.

Home

Dad,

We can’t wait to be home with you…..HOME

 

With all of you.

A Compilation of “Happy” Thoughts

The rainy mist and over priced coffee along the memory of you.
The day I get married you’re more than welcome to attend with them.
If nothing else sail on the breeze against my cheek whisper in my ear.

At second glance I swear you come alive in your timeless poetry.
oh stanza’s please never end we dearly  miss our sweet friend.
Be on the look-out for Captain Hook he could be anywhere close by

Moving across town but it feels like an entire new state from here.
Sometimes I swear your ghost is my long lost beloved shadow.
A suit or armor my defense against lucid nightmarish dreams.

Bedtime prayers and unfinished conversations with them all.
Constellation lullabies for a lost boy like me so undeserving.
Read me your new poetry let me get a fleeting glimpse of heaven.

To Heal

Mom

I want to heal myself
and in the process forgive yourself
so til tomorrow just know I love you too

A cosmic chorus — Reverie in reverse

The lyrical sun meets the day hopefully, a low trill softly rising like the hum of footsteps falling on the hillside, bringing goodwill to those who listen. That subtle, haunting sound warbles in the ears of humanity, perched above us but inviting fellowship. There’s a lesson here, I think — the light recedes and returns (a tide for the whole planet not just the flustered oceans) permitting the moon to hold luminescence until it illustriously trumpets its return — an example of civility for deaf ears. Are we more moon than jelly fish? Do we hold a mirror to the light, feigning a warmth we have not within us? Or can we glow from within, lighting a course for people to accompany us as we find the chords to harmonize with the orbiting haloes circling us in a cosmic chorus?

via A cosmic chorus — Reverie in reverse

Home Bittersweet Home

packing up for a week at home since you left to be with Dad,
Sorry, it took me so long life just kind of happens that way.
10 a.m you drew your last breath and home ceased being home,
Saw a picture of the old store where you used to sit outside and talk.
wiped away a tear dang it Mom Toni I wasn’t planning to miss you this much

Still can’t bring myself to eat at the restaurant where I got that call,
Don’t even remember getting home but I remember the dam breaking.
Guess it’s true my anger really was disguised grief after all even though,
I tried to pretend otherwise but there were needs that were never met.
Thanks for allowing me to call you a friend just after I turned 18

12 hours later I’m back at my mom’s doorstep thinking dad’s here,
Walking in reality hits once more and I fall to my knees and cry.
Mom wraps her arms around me holding tight till I catch my breath,
Daddy, I miss you both please tell Mom Toni that I love you three so much.
Mom thanks for stepping up and becoming the mom that Toni couldn’t back then.

Day of Days

I drove quietly to your spot with an angel wing ornament tucked in my back pocket. This brisk autumn morning compels me to write poetry dedicated to who you might have been five years on. Kneeling down I nestle the ornament among a bouquet of flowers. A smile and kiss on the headstone. What we’d give for just one more everything with you. Time is a funny thing fleeting unforgiving yet memorable. I’m telling you, dude, I can’t wait for the day I see you in that coffee shop in another world. Sometimes I still see where you should be standing in family photos. October skies spell out my friends’ poetry in the stars infinite and perfect in the eyes of the universe. Goodnight my dear friend. Enjoy that “Golden Shore” Talk to you soon.